


Loneliness Is Killing Me

by heartsdesire456



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Bullying, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Supportive Katsuki Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 22:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12375243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: For a while, Yurio was withdrawn when he wasn’t focused on training and Victor and Yuuri weren’t distracting him. However, one night, just as Yuuri’s training was ending, Yurio came dancing out of the training room at the rink. “Katusdon, Old Man, guess what!” He was so excited, Yuuri skated to a stop over at the side of the rink where he was waiting.“What is it?”Yurio spun around excitedly. “Otabek is coming to visit!





	Loneliness Is Killing Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [3 a.m.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096828) by [heartsdesire456](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456). 



> This is a direct sequel to [3 a.m.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096828) but realistically, I don't think you HAVE to read that one. All the content in that one gets explained in this one, so you could read this on its own.

Nothing amused Victor more than how, in his moments of forgetting to keep his walls up, Yura loved Yuuri. He pretended to be this grumpy, bitchy teenager most of the time – and not all of it was an act, of course – but sometimes, when he was around Yuuri, his mask would slip and he would smile a big, innocent smile at something Yuuri said and he and Yuuri would laugh together over whatever they were talking about. Victor had long realized that, for all his attitude, he looked at Yuuri like a big brother almost. They were rivals to the core, but every once in a while, they would forget about that and just goof off and have fun. 

When Yuuri had woken up to find Yuri on the couch asleep, he looked at Victor in concern but went to start making coffee for Yura – he and Yuuri both preferred tea first thing in the morning – without asking a word. Afterwards, when Yuri had woke up, he joined Yuuri in the kitchen and Victor left them there to go walk Makkachin. When he returned, they were both laughing as they tried to flip pancakes in the pan by tossing it into the air the way they did on TV.

“No, my turn, I think I’ve got it!” Yuri said, taking the pan and then doing some ‘flick’ with his wrist that ended in the pancake flaccidly plopping onto the floor without even flying into the air much. He frowned down at the floor and Yuuri laughed so hard he had to cling to the counter to not fall over. Yura blushed and giggled – the most innocent, sweet giggle – and put a hand over his face, leaning into Yuuri’s side, the both of them using each other for balance as they laughed.

Makkachin wandered over, sniffed the pancake on the floor, then proceeded to eat it before anybody could stop him. “Ew, that’s not for you,” Yuuri whined, nudging him with his knee. “Victor, Makkachin is going to throw up now and it’s your fault.”

Victor wandered into the kitchen, smiling at the two of them. “How is it my fault? I just happened to return at the right time for him to snap up your failed pancake.”

Yuri started to withdraw some and Victor knew it was because he was thinking about Victor knowing what happened last night. However, he didn’t completely return to his usual ‘Ice Tiger’ bitchiness, he just stopped smiling so openly. “Okay, whatever, I’m too hungry to try this again,” he said, going over to the cabinet to steal Victor’s sugary cereal he thought he had hid well.

Yuuri groaned. “Yurio, that will ruin your training session. You’ll crash from the sugar-“

“Unlike you, I don’t gain weight when I glance at carbs,” he countered and Yuuri rolled his eyes. 

“Just wait until you’re my age. Your ass will be as big as Victor’s forehead,” he said, and Yuri choked on his cereal as he laughed, nearly falling out of his chair. 

Victor huffed, because that one stung a bit more than he figured Yuuri knew. “You’re so cruel to me, and all I have ever done is worship you,” he whined, walking over to Yuuri, sliding his arms around his middle to cuddle him close. 

“You called me ‘piggy’ and said I was too fat to train,” Yuuri countered and Victor grimaced at the memory. He had done that. He had no idea at the time how self-conscious Yuuri was, he was just teasing, but he knew now how badly that probably hurt him.

Victor rubbed his tummy, ignoring the way Yuuri made an uncomfortable sound. “I like you being a bit soft, I just know you can’t jump as well with extra weight.” He kissed his neck in a quick peck. “When we retire, I’m going to fatten you up so I can snuggle with you and have you be all soft and warm. I love your off-season tummy. It’s so sexy when you’re a bit soft for me to snuggle.”

“Wow, congratulations, Katsudon, you have landed yourself a chubby chaser,” Yuri said flatly. 

Yuuri blushed and rolled his eyes. “While I prefer being a _healthy_ weight,” he said to Victor, who pouted, knowing it was true and for the best. “I’m not surprised.” Yuuri cringed a bit. “Victor reminds me far too much of my dad and – horrifically – he definitely likes that my mom is chubby. It’s alarming to me that I ended up with a man that is more like my dad than I ever would have wanted him to be, but life is all about the good with the bad,” he said and Victor grinned.

“Your mother is a very pretty lady,” he said with a wink. “When we first met, I thought, ‘oohh, she looks just like Yuuri’ and I bet you’ll look like her but as a man when you’re her age.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Your father clearly had good tastes when he chose to marry her.” Victor sighed dramatically. “If only you could cook as well as your mother, too. Oh, I’d just about kill for some of your mother’s cooking these days.”

Yura snorted. “You’re disgusting. Both of you. It’s sickening.” Victor smiled at the return of the ‘bitchy child’ he knew so well, but it was easy to see that it was a fond, teasing bitchy episode. He had a sad feeling in his heart that Yuri was really just jealous that Victor got so lucky in love after a night like the one Yuri had. It hurt to think of how lonely he had been at Yura’s age and imagine him feeling the same way. Victor’s childhood and his young adult years were all so filled with loneliness and he could only hope that he and Yuuri at least gave Yura something more than only Yakov in the way of family. He might still lack friends his age and the healthy, growth-encouraging romances many teens had, but he had a family – however unconventional – that loved him.

Later, when they were all getting ready to leave, Yura whining at the door for them to hurry up, Yuuri looked up from where he was putting on his jogging tights and bit his lip. “Vicchan,” he said, worrying at his pants. “I didn’t want to ask but, why was Yurio here? He seems okay, but off. Is everything alright?”

Victor hesitated and then walked over, kissing Yuuri’s forehead as he held him for just a short moment. “It isn’t mine to tell. I’m sorry, but if he wants to tell you, he will.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.” He looked up at Victor, hugging him around the middle. “It’s good he has you,” he murmured, looking into Victor’s eyes. “As much shit as he gives you, he looks up to you, and I’m glad he trusts you with things he might not necessarily trust Yakov with. After all you’ve told me about your childhood…” Yuuri smiled sadly. “You turned out wonderful, but you didn’t deserve to be alone, and I’m so glad he’s not alone with us here.” He shook his head. “My pretty Russian boys and their teen drama. The biggest drama of my teen years was being that ‘girly skater boy’,” he said, and Victor grinned.

“Mmmm, you are a very feminine man,” he purred, fondling Yuuri’s bottom for just a moment. 

When they stopped kissing and finally got ready to leave to Yuri’s shouted insults at how old they were to be so slow, Victor squeezed Yuuri’s hand. “You’re good for him, too, you know?” he said and Yuuri smiled and nodded, looking pleased with himself.

“Only took a year and a half of wearing him down,” he said, fingers linked loosely in Victor’s as they grabbed their bags and headed out, ignoring Yuri’s dramatic declarations of how ‘gross’ they were for holding hands the whole way to the car. 

~

For a while, Yurio was withdrawn when he wasn’t focused on training and Victor and Yuuri weren’t distracting him. However, one night, just as Yuuri’s training was ending, Yurio came dancing out of the training room at the rink. “Katusdon, Old Man, guess what!” He was so excited, Yuuri skated to a stop over at the side of the rink where he was waiting.

“What is it?”

Yurio spun around excitedly. “Otabek is coming to visit! I didn’t even know his coach was looking for jumping clinics or that Yakov is putting one on here with this specialist from America, but he’s coming here!”

Yuuri beamed. “Wow, that’s great!” He meant it, too. Otabek Altin was the only friend his own age Yurio had and if that got him so excited, he was happy. This was probably just what Yurio needed to lift his spirits. The day his friend arrived, Yurio brought him over to hang out at Victor and Yuuri’s place – since it was less stuffy and boring than Yakov’s house or Lilia’s apartment – and Yuuri realized very quickly exactly what had Yurio so excited. 

He very clearly had a crush.

Yuri and Otabek were going to stay the night, camping out in the living room so they could stay up late and hang out, and Yuuri and Victor went to bed while they were still huddled on the couch with Makkachin, giggling over something on the TV. Yuuri smiled knowingly as he crawled into bed and took off his glasses. “So that’s why Yurio has been down and is all happy now,” he said as Victor crossed the room to join him. “He has a crush on his friend.”

Victor grinned, diving under the covers, eagerly snuggling into Yuuri’s side. “Oh, poor Yura is a lovesick fool over Otabek.” He sighed dramatically, looking up at Yuuri. “I know the feeling,” he said as he settled under Yuuri’s arm, head on his chest. “I, too, would be helplessly forlorn without the man I loved.”

Yuuri chuckled, kissing the top of his head. “No wonder he’s been distracted. I know how hard it is to have a crush on someone you’re with all the time.” He stroked Victor’s hair from his face. “Those months you were my coach but not my lover were torture. I was so sure it was obvious from space that I liked you.”

Victor glared. “I literally was waiting naked for you and you didn’t act like you wanted me. You drove me mad.” He smiled sadly. “Seriously, though. Yura’s had some difficult times lately. He’s so lonely, and I remember that loneliness at his age. No sixteen year old deserves to only have adults in his life. He needs a friend, and Otabek clearly cares for him.” He shrugged. “Not sure it’s that kind of ‘cares for’, but he is his best friend regardless of romantic love. Yura could use someone he can just be a teenage boy with.”

Yuuri hummed. “Would you still be my best friend even if I hadn’t wanted to marry you?” he asked, and Victor gave him an adoring look.

“Zolotze, I would be your best friend now if you decided you didn’t want to marry me. I would be heartbroken, but having you as my friend would be far more reasonable than losing you.” He rubbed his tummy. “Would you still snuggle me if we were just friends?”

Yuuri grinned. “Of course. Phichit and I used to cuddle all the time in Detroit.”

Victor snuggled closer, nodding. “Then yes, we could be friends.” He teasingly slid his hand a little low, making Yuuri squeak and giggle as he drew his hand back up. “Although, I much prefer being your future husband. I highly doubt Phichit ever had the pleasure of making love to you.”

Yuuri wiggled his eyebrows. “You never know, the winters were cold in Detroit-“

“Stop that, I know you and Phichit have never fucked,” Victor chastised and Yuuri giggled, looking down at the man who owned his heart. He scrunched his nose, petting Victor’s hair. 

“Decidedly not. Phichit is a pretty man, but I’ve always preferred my men tall and European,” he said, making Victor smirk knowingly.

“Tell me,” he purred, seductively sliding a foot along Yuuri’s calf under the covers. “Did you fantasize about me before we started dating?”

Yuuri, because he trusted Victor explicitly now, snorted and laughed. “Oh, Victor, I fantasized about you pretty much from the second puberty struck,” he said bluntly, and Victor smiled a far too pleased smile at that news.

“Really? Was I your little childhood crush?”

“You know you were,” Yuuri chastised. “The first time I saw you skate, I was twelve years old and thought, ‘oh shit, I’m so very gay’ because you were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on and so graceful and poised and I wanted to skate with you and make you smile. I would kiss the poster of you over my bed. It was pathetic,” he said and Victor cooed, eyes wide as his mouth became the tenderest smile ever.

“I wish we had known each other as children,” Victor sighed. “We would have been best friends and I would have never been so lonely.”

It was a pang to Yuuri’s heart and he hugged him close. “You’re never going to be alone again now, Vicchan. We’re set for life.” He smiled quickly. “Also, I feel like Yurio’s going to be a lot better now that his friend is here. Things will be far less daunting with a friend nearby.”

Victor sighed, relaxing some. “I really hope so, because he needs a friend more than ever right now.” Yuuri didn’t ask any further questions than that, he just settled down with Victor, ready to fall asleep with the love of his life in his arms as he did so. 

~

Yuri had been afraid that hanging out with Otabek would be nerve wracking after knowing his feelings and all he had been through since their discovery, but where they sat now, watching TV in Victor and Yuuri’s living room while their dog laid across their laps, it was like he and Otabek did this all the time. 

“It’s annoying you’ve grown so much in the half a year I’ve known you,” Otabek said, sitting up straighter, trying to be as tall as Yuri.

Yuri grinned, wiggling down lower so their heads were even. “It’s not my fault you’re tiny.”

Otabek rolled his eyes. “I’m Asian, I’m normal sized-“

“Yuuri is Asian and he’s as tall as me,” he defended and Otabek grumbled in annoyance. 

“He’s tall though,” he complained. Yuri grinned and just ducked his head down further, smiling up at Otabek until he cracked up, laughing at Yuri. “You’re giving yourself a double chin.”

Yuri gasped and sat up straight. “I do not have a double chin!” he gasped, putting his hand to his neck. He saw Otabek snickering and punched him in the arm. “You’re suck a dick,” he said, flopping back against the couch. 

“You’re the thinnest person I’ve probably ever met,” Otabek comforted. “You’re like a ballerina. Just a giant one,” he added and Yuri’s chest tightened for a moment as he pushed back thoughts he didn’t want to have.

Instead, he smiled at Otabek. “I can still bend just as much as Katsudon and his ridiculously flexible self.” He sighed. “This is so cool, Beka,” he said, leaning his head over on his shoulder. “We’ve got _weeks_ of getting to hang out. Not just a day or two between the short and free.”

Otabek moved his arm and looped it around Yuri’s shoulders. “I still want to meet your cat,” he said and Yuri couldn’t help the way his inner Otabek-obsessed little boy swooned at the idea of a hot, cool boy wanting to hang out with his feline best friend. “Puma Tiger Scorpion,” Otabek murmured in a teasing tone and Yuri groaned in sudden horror.

“I regret ever telling you that, Altin!” he whined, grabbing a pillow to throw into Otabek’s face, only to squeal and giggle when Otabek’s retaliation was to tickle him so much that Makkachin got sick of them and ran away to the kitchen instead, leaving them to their tickle fight on the couch instead.

~

The upturn in Yurio’s mood ended sharply in what was such a massive display that Yuuri couldn’t have missed it if he had tried. It also suddenly explained a lot.

When he and Victor arrived at the rink, they got there just in time to see people all huddled around the door to the locker room whispering and snickering behind their hands. The shrill sound of Yurio shouting alerted them that something was wrong, and when Victor pushed past some junior girls giggling to get into the locker room, Yuuri just made it inside to see Yurio spot Victor and go into a rage.

“YOU FUCKING TOLD SOMEBODY?!” Yurio tried to fly across the room in a rage, but Yakov grabbed him by the shirt. 

“What’s going… on.” Yuuri paled when he saw that, down Yuri’s locker, someone had written the word “SLUT” in English from top to bottom. He looked at Victor, who was staring at the locker with a clenched jaw, and suddenly he understood so much.

“Oh, Yurio,” Yuuri murmured involuntarily, his heart aching for Yuri. 

When Yuri heard his words, however, he wheeled on him, tears of anger spilling down his face. “THAT. IS. NOT. MY. NAME! It’s _not_!”

“Yura, I never said anything,” Victor said quickly. “You can ask Yuuri, I never even told him, I wouldn’t do this to-“

“You said I could trust you,” he spat out, voice breaking from pain or anger, Yuuri wasn’t sure which.

Nobody spoke for a moment before Lilia, who Yuuri hadn’t even noticed standing near Yakov, tutted and said. “Well at least he can’t end up like his mother.”

Yuuri didn’t know what that meant, but the way Yurio spun around and looked at her with so much hatred and pain his eyes, he knew it had to be something very cruel. Yakov spluttered, turning on his ex-wife. “Lilia!” he snapped, glaring at her. “Fuck off!” He walked over to Yurio and grabbed him around the shoulders. Yurio tried shrugging him off but Yakov just held on, face red with anger as he guided Yurio out of the room, snarling at everybody hovering around the door that they had shit to do and he better not catch anybody slacking.

The worst part of all, for Yuri’s sake, Yuuri realized, was that Otabek was standing beside the locker with ‘SLUT’ emblazoned upon it the entire time.

~

Yuuri and Victor went to Yakov’s house to see about Yurio after training that evening and Yakov informed them that he wouldn’t come out of his room, not even for Otabek. Otabek, it seemed, was camped out in the hallway, refusing to leave until Yurio let him in and talked to him. Yakov had given up long ago, but Otabek was far more persistent. 

“And he has a young back,” Yakov grunted as he poured tea for the three of them. “Sitting on the floor is not for those of my age.”

Yuuri bit his lip. “What happened?” he asked. “Who wrote that on his locker?”

Yakov growled. “Some local boys. I checked the security cameras at the rink. They were skating during open skating hours and three of them went to the locker rooms and one kept watch while the other two were inside. Surely, they opened lockers until they identified Yurotchkas.” That made sense, Yuuri figured. None of them locked their lockers since it was a private room and only skaters were supposed to be in there. “Or, hell, maybe they didn’t care whose locker it was and Yura got unlucky.” He gave Victor a pointed look. “Though his rage at you suggests not.” 

Victor sighed. “Yakov, it’s not mine to tell-“

“Whatever,” he grunted, though he didn’t seem to care all that much. Yuuri took Yakov for the type of man who really didn’t care about people’s business until it became _his_ business. “Pah,” Yakov grumbled. “I try my hardest to do what I can for that boy. I thought I learned from my failures with you to do better, Vitya, but he’s just as stubborn as you were.”

Victor smiled sadly. “You didn’t fail with me, Yakov. I just didn’t want to accept that you only did what was best for me. No sixteen year old thinks an adult knows better than them. Trust me, I remember well how much heartache I could have avoided by just telling you the truth.”

Yuuri put his teacup down. “What was it Lilia said about Yuri’s mother?” he asked, unable to stop his own curiosity. “It seemed to really upset him.”

Victor shrugged, but Yakov sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “I made the mistake of thinking that, since she is his choreographer and invested in him, I could be honest with her. However, I should have remembered why I divorced that crazy bitch instead,” he growled. Yakov shook his head. “Yura’s grandfather told me the situation when he came to live here. His mother was a promising dancer until she got pregnant and had him and ended up struggling with drinking and drugs.” Yakov grimaced. “She was barely sixteen when he was born,” he said and Yuuri’s heart sank. “I mentioned it to Lilia because she’s a dancer and wondered if she had ever heard of this girl, since I never did, but she hadn’t. Yura’s mother left ballet school when she got pregnant and after he was born, she was never the same again. Nikolai says that his daughter very occasionally would get sober long enough to come see her son before getting fucked up again and leaving.” He grunted. “She stopped contacting the family when Yura was about eight years old.” He shook his head. “I cannot believe that bitch said that in front of him.”

Yuuri’s heart sank. “Oh Yurio,” he sighed, and Victor wordlessly stood up.

“I should go talk to him-“

“Vitya, he doesn’t want to see you,” Yakov said firmly, stopping him within a few steps. “He thinks whatever happened is your fault. Don’t go upset him more before that friend of his can help.”

Yuuri stood up instead. “I’m going to see if he’ll talk to me,” he said. “He knows I don’t know what’s happening so hopefully he’ll at least let me make sure he’s okay.” He brushed a hand against Victor’s and walked towards Yuri’s room. When he got to the hallway, Otabek looked half asleep where he sat on the floor, leaned against Yuri’s door.

“He won’t let you in,” Otabek sighed. “I’ve been trying for so long.”

Yuuri nudged him and got him to move and he knocked on the door. “FUCK OFF, OTABEK!”

“Yuri, it’s me,” Yuuri said. “Can I please come in? I just want to see that you’re okay. I’ll leave if you want.”

There was a long pause before the door cracked open. Otabek looked shocked and a little hurt off to the side, but Yuuri’s eyes stayed on the puffy, red green ones that appeared in the cracked door. “You swear on your stupid dog that you didn’t know?” he asked in a raspy tone, and Yuuri shook his head.

“I swear on Makkachin, I don’t know,” he said, because it was honest. He had no idea what was going on, just that Yuuri was upset and it had something to do with sex, probably. Even that wasn’t for sure. People could call anybody a slut.

Yurio opened the door and let Yuuri slip in before shutting it behind him hard and instantly throwing his arms around Yuuri as he started crying. Yuuri’s heart broke and he hugged him close, reaching one hand up to stroke his long, messy hair that had come out of his usual training ponytail. “Oh, Yuri,” he sighed, as Yurio cried his eyes out against his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything except are you okay?”

“No,” Yuri cried weakly. “Victor promised! He promised he wouldn’t tell! Why would he do that?”

Yuuri sighed, guiding him over to sit on the bed. He sat beside him, curling his arms around Yuri as he leaned against Yuuri’s chest, sniffling pitifully. “He didn’t tell anybody anything. Don’t you think if he was going to tell anybody anything, he would tell me?” he asked. He rubbed his side. “Yakov checked the security footage at the rink. He says three local boys who snuck from the rink to the private area and one stood watch while the other two went inside. He thinks they must have searched until they found the locker with your things in it.” He hesitated, swallowing hard before speaking, afraid of what he might learn. “Or, he thinks maybe they just picked one at random,” he said, waiting patiently for whether or not Yurio wanted to say something.

Yuri sniffled weakly, pulling away. Yuuri watched as he looked down at his knees, his shoulders slumping over. “It wasn’t random,” he whispered, voice so brittle and full of pain. “It’s- it’s true,” he choked, shoulders shaking. “I’m such a _whore_.”

Yuuri sighed. “You’re not a whore-“

“I sucked a boy’s dick behind a fucking club, I am a fucking whore!” Yuri snarled, tears streaming down his face. “In a fucking dirty alley!” He dug his nails into his palms. “Because- because I thought he would like me if I blew him. What kind of slut thinks like that?” he rasped out, deflating. “And I _hated it_ ,” he sobbed weakly. “That’s- that’s the night Victor came to get me in the middle of the night. That boy, he- he yelled at me because he- he-“ He sniffled weakly. “I threw up. He didn’t tell me he was gonna-“ Yuri shook his head. “I choked and gagged and threw up and- and he yelled at me because I threw up on his shoes and then he just left me. On my fucking knees on wet cement and fucking vomit.” He whimpered. “What kind of slut ends up in that situation?”

Yuuri’s heart ached for him and he reached out, grabbing his hand. “Yuri, you’re not a slut. You were lonely and confused-“

“Victor said the same fucking thing,” he grumbled. “He said some shit about him fucking some old guy when he was my age, and then he- he-“ He grimaced. “Well maybe he didn’t tell,” he whispered. He sniffled. “I guess that boy knew who I was after all.” He whimpered, hand tightening in Yuuri’s grip. “So he just wanted to say he had sex with a figure skater,” he whispered, sounding even more pained. “Lilia’s right,” he sobbed. “I’m just like my mother-“

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Yuuri said firmly. He looked at Yuri. “My sister got pregnant when she was seventeen, and your mother having you young doesn’t make her a whore.”

Yuri looked at him with wide eyes. “Your sister has a _kid_?” he asked in shock.

Yuuri shook his head, smiling sadly. “Miscarriage,” he said, and shrugged. “Things happen. Teenagers have sex, Yuri. You’re not a slut for having sex. Adults don’t like to think about it, but it’s just true. Kids your age are curious and have a lot of time on their hands. It’s terrible that boy was so cruel, but you are not a slut,” he said seriously.

Yuri grimaced. “I only did it because I’m tired of being so alone. I thought if he liked me, he’d date me, so I’d have somebody.” He wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t- I’m not ready,” he whispered. “It was horrible. I hated it. I hated everything about it. I wish I hadn’t done it.” 

“I can imagine,” Yuuri said softly, rubbing his back. “You don’t have to be ready to have sex, Yuri. You never have to be if you don’t want to. I was glad everybody thought I was too much of a fat loser to want me, because the idea of having sex scared the hell out of me all through college. Even with Victor, though I’d had a crush on the famous Victor Nikiforov since the first time I saw him skate when I was a little kid, when he showed up and started flirting with me I freaked out.”

Yuri looked at him with a confused frown. “Wait, you don’t have sex with Victor?” he asked, making a face. “You’re getting _married_.”

Yuuri laughed at his confused look. “No, we have sex, but not for a long time. I had fantasies all my life, but when he showed up ready to act them out, I realized the reality was way scarier. But after I got to know him and realized he was so much more than ‘the famous Victor Nikiforov’, the idea wasn’t so scary, because I loved him.” He smiled gently. “Some people are more comfortable with sex than others, and sometimes it’s not the ones you would expect.” He chuckled. “Phichit moved in with me when he was seventeen and starting seniors and he had so much sex in Detroit,” he said, laughing. 

Yuri jerked around and looked at him. “You’re fucking with me,” he said, and Yuuri giggled, shaking his head.

“He was very free with his body in a way nobody else ever suspects. He seems so sweet and innocent and nobody has any idea. He’s less like that now, because he’s focused on his career, but he had two years of being wild and free for the first time not living under his parents watch.” Yuuri grinned. “And then Christophe Giacometti seems like he would be, but I’ve known him for years now, and he actually doesn’t do casual sex.” Yuri looked at him as if he was saying the sky was green. “He doesn’t! He had a girlfriend when we met, and they broke up, and then he met the man he’s been dating for years now.” He patted Yuri’s leg. “The point is, everybody is different, and nothing is wrong with whatever you are.” 

Yuri sniffled and nodded slowly. “I guess.” He grunted. “I just-“ He hesitated. “I feel so humiliated, because now everybody knows _something_ happened. They wrote ‘slut’ on my locker and now people will think I am one.” He fell back onto his bed. “Otabek was there.” He didn’t say anything more and Yuuri’s heart sank. 

“If he thinks badly of you for anything, he’s not a real friend,” Yuuri said plainly. He looked down at him. “A friend will be angry at that bastard who called you a slut,” he added and Yuri looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

“I have never heard you swear before!” he said, and Yuuri rolled his eyes.

“You’ve never heard me having sex,” he said in a very flat tone, and Yuri squealed ‘ewwwwww’ and scrambled upright, making Yuuri laughed, grabbing his stomach as he watched him gape in horror. Yuuri fell onto his back across the bed and Yurio rolled his eyes as he flopped down beside him, the both of them just lying there, looking up at the ceiling until Yuuri’s laughter ended. 

After a while, Yuri spoke, his voice soft and pained. “He didn’t even kiss me.” Yuuri glanced over at him curiously and saw that there were no tears in Yuri’s eyes as he looked upwards, just a tightness in his jaw. “How stupid is that? I had sex before I ever got my first kiss.”

Yuuri hummed, barely a noise it was so quiet. “That day Victor tackled me to the ice was my first kiss. I was twenty-three before I ever kissed anybody. Pretty pathetic.” He snorted suddenly. “I know it isn’t funny, and I’m so sorry, but I just pictured you being your normal grumpy self and going up to some boy and saying, ‘let me suck your dick’ without even dancing with him or anything,” he said and Yuri managed a small giggle.

“It wasn’t like that, but that is funny,” he admitted. He sighed. “I’d talked to him before. There are some boys that go to school near here and occasionally they’ll offer me a drink if I see them somewhere sometime. Kind of like ‘what’s another one’. So I know him. We danced at that club most of the night, even. I thought he liked me,” he said, voice a little tight. “He just wanted to tell people he fucked a figure skater, probably.”

“Probably,” Yuuri agreed. “There were plenty of those guys in Detroit. Mostly for the girls, but for boys, too. A couple of the guys Phichit had sex with only did it to brag about it. People like that suck,” he said. 

Yurio muttered under his breath. “Bastard.” He lifted his hand and rubbed his face. “I just-“ He whimpered a bit. “I wanted somebody to like me. Now everybody is going to look at me and wonder why somebody thinks I’m a slut. Over one thing I did that I didn’t even like. It would be different if I had gotten a boyfriend out of it.”

“It would still be bad,” Yuuri countered. “Not what you did, but you don’t want a boyfriend that you only got because you had sex with him, Yuri. Nobody deserves to be only good for sex. You want a boyfriend who would want to date you even if you weren’t having sex with him.”

Yuri pouted a little bit. “I wish I hadn’t quit school,” he whispered. “Then I might have friends at least.”

Yuuri had been very shocked to learn that Yuri wasn’t studying at all. He’d never known a skater who hadn’t at least finished secondary school. Almost all Japanese skaters at least did university online while skating. It was hard to imagine anybody quitting school to be a skater, but knowing more about Yuri’s life now, it wasn’t that shocking. Yakov coached champions for a reason. Victor hadn’t finished school, Yuuri knew. Without parents who thought about more than just their careers skating, it made sense that they only focus on skating in their world. It would have helped Yurio’s desire for friends to still be in school, though. 

“Do you think maybe you feel ready to talk to Otabek?” Yuuri asked. He sat up and looked down at Yurio’s face. “You want a friend, right? He’s only here for a few weeks. I know you’re embarrassed, but he’s out there, worried about you.”

Yuri sat up, looking a little embarrassed. “Is he still sitting on the floor?” he asked, and Yuuri nodded. Yuri ducked his head. “He’s my best friend even if I do want to kiss him,” he whispered, pulling his knees up. He looked up at Yuuri. “Will you let him in on your way out?” he asked, and Yuuri smiled sadly and nodded.

He stood up and walked around the bed to lean in and hug Yurio, pressing a kiss to his hair. “Drink plenty of water after all this crying, okay? You’ll have puffy eyes if you don’t.” He gave him a small smile. “Trust me, I do _a lot_ of crying.” 

Yurio’s sweet smile in surprise and childlike giggle in response to that warmed Yuuri’s heart.

~

Otabek wasn’t sure what Katsuki said to Yuri, but when he came out, he smiled at Otabek and just nodded at the doorway before walking away, leaving it open. Otabek stared for a moment before scrambling to his feet and hesitating only to straighten his clothes after sitting for so long before going into the room, carefully closing the door behind him as he looked at Yuri’s position on the bed, knees up as he rested his chin on them. “Yura?” he asked softly.

Yuri looked up at him with a small pout. “I’m sorry, Beka,” he said, and Otabek crossed the room in three long strides, clambering onto the bed to hug him. Yuri whimpered some and hugged him back tightly, long legs unfurling as he pressed his face into Otabek’s neck, pressing into his front tightly. 

“You never have to apologize,” he said gruffly, stroking Yuri’s hair. “Are you alright? I’ve been so worried all afternoon.”

“I’m mostly embarrassed,” Yuri confessed, his words muffled against Otabek’s shoulder. “You come to visit and one of the first things to happen is… that.”

Otabek had no idea what ‘that’ was other than some horrible vandalism that really, really upset Yuri. “You don’t have to tell me anything except, do you know who did it? I’ll definitely kick their ass for you. I’m small, but I’m scrappy,” he said in a half-way joke.

Yuri, thankfully, laughed a bit. “I know, but it’s not worth it.” He pulled away, one leg bent and the other hanging over the side of the bed as he looked at Otabek with puffy, red-tinged green eyes. Otabek hated seeing his friend so upset. “I’m okay,” he said softly, tucking his hair behind his ear. “It was just some stupid boys I know from around here. They’re assholes.”

Otabek nodded. “Are you sure I don’t need to kill them?” he asked in faux seriousness, which made Yura smile at him.

“No, it’s alright.” The tightness in Otabek’s chest relaxed a little and he nodded, looking at Yura carefully. “Just… hug me again?” 

Otabek sighed. “Oh, Yura.” He pulled him into another hug, closing his eyes as Yuri tucked his face into Otabek’s neck, slumping forward to be short enough for that.

~

Yuri went to see Victor before they left for training and he wasn’t surprised when Victor took one look at him and hugged him. Yuri sighed, hugging him back. “I’m sorry I blamed you,” he said and Victor tutted.

“It’s fine. You couldn’t have expected anything else. I’m not upset.” Victor hesitated, patting his back. “Well, I’m upset this happened to you, but I mean I’m not angry at you.”

Yuri nodded against Victor’s shoulder. “I’m lucky I have you and Yuuri,” he admitted reluctantly, and Victor pulled away to look at him with a smirk. 

“Oh you are, huh?”

Yuri glared. “Don’t make me hurt you.” He looked up at Victor and rolled his eyes, making a face. “I don’t have many people I can trust so… thanks.”

Victor smiled that stupid smile of his and cooed. “Awww, we love you too, Yura-“

“Oh my God, why are you so weird?!” Yuri complained, turning on his heel to leave, only to whine when Victor caught him in another hug, dragging him into the apartment. “I lied, I hate you, you’re terrible-“

“YUURI COME HUG OUR LITTLE YURA WITH MEEEE-“

“KATSUDON SAVE ME!” he shouted, unable to help from laughing some when Victor picked him up and carried him across the room. 

~

Otabek smiled as he watched Yuuri and Victor practicing spins. Every time Yuuri did a beautiful spin, Victor’s eyes would go all soft and his smile even softer. “It’s really sweet, huh?”

Yuri looked up from his phone and frowned. “What?”

“Victor and Yuuri,” he said, watching Victor attempt a Biellman that had Yuuri doubled over laughing at how terrible it was. Otabek tilted his head. “They’re so… happy.” He looked back at Yuri, who was looking at them with a bit of a sour look on his face.

“They’re gross,” he said, and Otabek rolled his eyes at him.

“You think it’s sweet, too, don’t deny it.” Yuri scoffed but Otabek saw his blush. 

Later, when they had gone on a ride on Otabek’s rented bike, Otabek had entirely forgotten their conversation until, while sitting in the park and just soaking up some sun, Yura spoke up. “I’m glad Victor met Yuuri.” Otabek raised an eyebrow and Yuri rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Earlier, when you said I thought it was sweet how gross they are. It’s gross, but I’m glad Victor met him.” He picked at the grass under him. “Victor… Victor’s life wasn’t so great before him. He was like me. Alone.” Yuri shrugged, hunching in on himself some. “It sucks. He’s such a happy person I didn’t really notice how alone he was. His life sucked worse than mine. At least I’ve got my grandpa,” he mumbled.

Otabek looked over at Yuri. “Is your life really so bad?” he asked, frowning. He hated the look in Yuri’s eyes. 

Yuri hummed, looking into the distance. “Maybe.” He looked at Otabek, shoulders hunched forward. “It feels less bad when you’re here,” he said and Otabek smiled at the warmth in his eyes. Yuri ducked his eyes. “Beka, I did something,” he said softly, picking at the grass by his knee as his shoulders hunched forward. 

Otabek knew what he had to be referring to. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Yura.”

“I want to,” Yuri whispered. He looked up, squinting against the sun as he pushed a piece of hair that had fallen from his braid back behind his ear. “I don’t- I have nobody here besides Victor and Yuri and Yakov. I don’t have any friends. I never talk to anybody my own age. I just-“ He hesitated and Otabek’s chest tightened as he saw the deep sadness in Yuri’s eyes. It was so hard to watch his friend hurting. “I wanted somebody. Anybody,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. He cleared his throat and curled his arms around his knees. “There are these boys I knew. Just guys that lived around here. One of them seemed to like me, so I decided that if I could get him to date me, I’d have somebody to hang out with.” He huffed. “I had sex with him and he just yelled at me for freaking out about it and left me alone in the alley and I had to call Victor to come get me and then those guys wrote ‘slut’ on my locker for it,” he said in a rush. “It- it _sucked_ ,” he rasped. “So yeah, I’m happy Victor has Yuuri,” he added quickly. “Cause being alone is shitty and it makes you do stupid shit and I fucking hate everything that happened.”

Otabek reached over only to hesitate. “Can I touch you?” he asked, knowing Yura wasn’t in a very good state at the moment. He didn’t want to make it worse. Instead of answering, Yuri suddenly dove into his side, ducking his head until he was hugging Otabek around the waist, his head pressed into the curve of Otabek’s shoulder. 

“Please don’t think badly of me, Beka,” he said, voice muffled by Otabek’s shirt, and it was like being kicked in the stomach. Otabek hugged him, closing his eyes.

“Oh, Yura, of course I don’t think badly of you.” He pressed his lips to Yuri’s hair, rubbing his shoulders soothingly. “That’s terrible that happened to you. I really wish you had let me kick his ass after that locker thing happened.”

Yuri sniffled, hugging him tighter. “Victor didn’t meet Yuuri until he was twenty-seven, Beka. I’m only sixteen.”

Otabek sighed, closing his eyes. “You’re not alone, Yura. You may not have your Yuuri, but you’re not alone.” He continued to hold him and comfort him for as long as he could.

~

After he confessed his secret to Otabek, Yuri found it oddly comfortable to talk to Otabek about stuff like that. Out of nowhere he would ask Otabek about embarrassing things he did, or bad dates, or crazy fan memories, all sorts of things like that. One night, however, he got too curious to help himself and, as they lay in his bed, trying to go to sleep, Yuri couldn’t help but get really curious.

“Beka?” 

“Hmm?” Otabek mumbled, his back facing Yuri so that he hadn’t been positive he was even actually awake until then.

They didn’t always share his bed, since Otabek’s coach did have them a place to stay, but when he stayed late at Yakov’s with Yuri, there was no reason to not share. Otabek slept like a log, so Yuri didn’t have to freak out very much about sharing a bed with the boy he had feelings for. Now, however, he did feel a little awkward, but he had to know. “Do you like boys?” he asked.

“Mmmhmmm. Both,” Otabek breathed sleepily. 

Yuri nodded to himself, since Otabek wasn’t looking his way. “Have you ever dated a boy?”

“No.” His reply was instant.

“Do you like sex?” Yuri asked, stomach twisting as he asked the question he was most curious about.

This must have gotten Otabek’s attention, because he turned his head some, giving Yuri a view of his profile in the darkness. Otabek rolled around and Yuri tugged the covers just a little higher to hide part of his face. “Yura?” Otabek asked, looking at him searchingly. 

“I don’t,” Yuri whispered. “Or I didn’t at least.” He pulled the covers up to the bottoms of his eyes basically. “With that boy. I hated it. I only did it cause I wanted him to date me and it was terrible. I threw up,” he added. “It was scary and gross.” He looked up and met Otabek’s eyes. “So. Do you like sex?”

Otabek looked at him with sadness in his eyes. “Yes, I like sex. But it’s okay if you don’t. Especially that situation. People like different things. There’s nothing wrong with being different,” he said and Yuri felt more relieved than he expected about that. 

He pulled the covers down a little, less scared now, and pouted. “I’m sad he didn’t kiss me, though. It’s so embarrassing,” he said with a huff. “I had sex before I kissed anybody. Isn’t that dumb?”

Otabek smiled and shook his head. “You can just wait and kiss somebody you want to kiss. It’s good you didn’t waste your first kiss on that boy who was cruel to you after you had sex with him. He clearly doesn’t appreciate how lucky he is you gave him your time at all.”

Yuri smiled, biting his lip at that thought. “I like that,” he mumbled, then rolled over, settling in to go to sleep. “Goodnight, Beka.”

Otabek’s hand brushed his hair and he chuckled softly. “Goodnight, Yura.” 

~

Otabek was sad to be leaving, and Yuri was clearly petty sad as well. He moped all the way to the airport, moped while waiting for the bags to be checked, and moped right until they got to the last place Yuri could be before the security checkpoint. Otabek just smiled sadly and pulled Yura into a hug, pressing his cheek against Yura’s neck. “We can Skype as soon as I land. I promise,” he said, and Yura whimpered some, crushing him into an even tighter hug. 

“I don’t want you to go,” he whimpered, and Otabek’s chest ached. He wanted nothing more than to tell his coach to go on without him. 

“I know,” he sighed, rubbing Yuri’s back. “But I’m always just a call away. I promise. If you need me, call me. I’ll answer any time I can.” He pulled back and looked up into Yuri’s eyes. “You know that, right?”

Yuri’s beautiful green eyes had tears swimming in them and he nodded, bottom lip trembling in a way that made Otabek feel so weak. “You’re my best friend, Beka,” he said in a tight voice and Otabek smiled.

“You’re my best friend, too.” Otabek saw something out of the corner of his eye and, over Yura’s shoulder, his coach was beckoning him to hurry up, tapping his watch impatiently. Otabek sighed and looked back to Yuri’s eyes. “I’ve got to go, Yura.”

Yuri nodded solemnly and Otabek felt his throat close up when the movement knocked a tear loose and it streaked his pale skin. Otabek reached up to brush that tear away before crouching some to pick up his bag. He hefted it onto his shoulder and smiled at Yuri when he stood straight again, but Yuri surprised him once more and his bag fell to the floor as Yuri grabbed his waist and, in the most surprising yet, in hindsight, unsurprising thing ever, he stepped into Otabek’s space and kissed him. Otabek’s eyes widened and he made a surprised sound as the bag hit the floor by his feet, strap falling to the ground. Yuri’s eyes were closed into the kiss, but Otabek didn’t have a chance to do the same before he pulled away, their lips parting carefully.

“Yura?” he breathed cautiously.

Yuri sniffled and smiled wetly, leaning his forehead against Otabek’s. “You said to wait and kiss somebody I wanted to be my first kiss. And I-I want to kiss you.” His voice caught a little and Otabek’s heart pounded in his chest when he saw the look in Yuri’s eyes. “It doesn’t have to be, like, a big thing, I just- I just care about you and- and you’re- I-“

Otabek smiled and reached up to cup Yuri’s face in his hands. “Yura,” he breathed before tilting his chin up to kiss him again. This time Otabek closed his eyes, sinking into the soft, tender kiss. Yuri’s inexperience was evident, but the way he seemed overly careful even as his hands shook against Otabek’s waist was so painfully sweet that Otabek couldn’t help the surge of joy that coursed through his body. He stroked his thumbs along Yuri’s cheeks as he broke the kiss with a smile. He opened his eyes carefully and saw those perfect green eyes open and instantly scrunch up as he smiled right back. “You’re so beautiful.”

Yuri giggled, ducking his head. “Beka, I- that’s-“

“OTABEK!” His coach shouted his name and Otabek groaned. Yuri pouted and Otabek brushed a kiss to his jaw.

“We’ll talk about it soon, I promise,” he said, pulling out of Yuri’s hands to grab up his bag. “Bye, Yura,” he said quickly, and Yuri smiled back at him as he turned, watching Otabek run to his coach.

“Bye, Beka!” he shouted, waving, and Otabek turned back one last time to wave, smiling brightly at how, finally, Yuri didn’t look sad.


End file.
